My two sons, Eli and Andrew
I am so proud of these two boys. They bring me joy and aggrevation but I love them so much. They are so different from each other. And so different from me. Below is an excerpt from my thought journal. I wrote this after a parent/teacher's conference. The teacher told me that my son was an "entertainer" and I sat there and wondered, "how did that happen?" I thought a lot about how different my children are from me and it made me proud that they are their "own" person and not a carbon copy of me or Wesley.
The way HE should go. Not the way I should or would go, but the way HE, the child, should go.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. See, I have a child that is so completely different from me that at times I look on him as an alien imposter in my house. How could I have a child like this? What mutant gene conspired to become dominant and make this child of mine so … well weird?
A few years ago my son did not like to be in front of people but that all changed thanks to our preacher’s wife. Every Sunday Mrs. Ruth, would ask the children to come up front. She would talk to them and ask if they had a song they would like to sing. There was always someone with a song. But my son always said no. Well I thought it was because he didn’t know a song to sing so I began to teach him two songs. “Jesus loves me” and “Go tell it on the mountain”
Then one Sunday morning, Ruth asked that question, “would anyone like to sing a song this morning?”
My son’s hand went up instantly. Well Ruth looked at me and smiled. I went to sit on the front row to give encouragement and to help in case some words were forgotten.
Ruth handed my son a microphone. Oh the joy that lit up his eyes to be able to hold a microphone! I grinned. I was so proud. I just knew he would sing “Jesus Loves Me’ or “Go tell it on the mountain” perfectly. He took a deep breath… I took a deep breath too.. willing him to be brave. And then…
“Scooby Doobie doo where are you..” My son was singing the theme to Scooby Doo!! The whole church erupted in laughter.. the floors shook with it. I was so embarrassed!! How could he do this? Where was “Jesus loves me”? Where was “Go Tell It On The Mountain”? Oh no I can’t let him know how embarrassed I was, how disappointed! So I pasted on a smile and gave him a thumbs up. He grinned at me and sang louder. He sang the whole song, both versus and a repeat of the chorus. He was so excited and I was so embarrassed. But everyone at church said it was wonderful. They said it was refreshing and made my son feel like a super star. I promised then that I would never try to squash his spirit or try to make him into me.
I am an introverted person.
I am shy and find it hard to make friends. Being in front of strangers frightens me. I manage to push through this fear with the help and grace of God to do the things that He has asked me to do. I now teach Sunday School, direct the children’s choir and manage to put together a Christmas play and Vacation Bible School each year. There would be NO way on earth I could do this alone. It causes me to have butterflies in my stomach and break out in sweat. But my son, he is the complete opposite.
He thrives on attention. His teacher says he likes to perform. And he does. Any chance to be in front of people at the center of attention is an opportunity to perform in some way. And if those people laugh, well that means he accomplished his goal. My son is silly. He is always doing something silly. And my silly meter gets full quickly.
Why did God give me a child that so easily frustrates me? My son isn’t bad. He is a very good child. People are always complimenting me on how nice and polite he is, how helpful and eager. But at home he is a clown, always being silly and saying and doing things that just grate on my nerves.
I pray every day that I don’t squash his spirit. I pray that God gives me the wisdom to train up this child in the way He should go. I know that God has paved a path for my son that is different than the one that God paved for me. My son is a performer and I am in the audience on the front row watching and cheering.
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